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10 Things You Can Do Today to Change the Masculine/Feminine Polarity in Your Relationship

How to stop being “the man” in the relationship

Anna Rova
7 min readMay 7, 2020


Women are exquisitely bizarre creatures.

They want control but they actually don’t.

They want to be in charge but they actually don’t.

They want to take care of everyone and everything but they actually don’t.

When it comes to relationships most women deep down inside want their man to take control, to be in charge, and to take care of everything.

Women just want to let go and surrender.

To be taken.

To be ravished.

To be taken care of.

They don’t want to make all the decisions all the time.

And that’s what’s confusing to women:

At the beginning of the relationship, she’s very happy to play the “I call all the shots here” role but gradually that role starts to wear off as she becomes tired and starts resenting her man.

She senses his weakness. His impotence to rise to the occasion.

She questions his ability to stand strong in his masculinity and lead her where she can’t lead herself. She doesn’t respect or trust him anymore.

So she comes to a place where she is stuck because things are not working anymore. The control that she so much loved in the beginning has now become her prosecutor.

She is trapped in her masculine energy and doesn’t know how to get out.

The solution to this problem is to shift your feminine/masculine dynamic in the relationship where you, as the woman, embrace more of the feminine pole and he, as the man, starts to embrace more of the masculine pole.

Every human has these two energies within us. However, most women identify with their feminine essence and most men identify with their masculine essence. That is the essential difference between men and women that is driven by biology, evolutionary psychology, and other energetic and emotional factors.

The masculine represents our ability to make decisions, to go forward, to think and strategize, to take control, to progress and achieve, to lead and provide directions, and to be very much goal-oriented.

The feminine represents our ability to surrender and let go; to let things happen and to be in the flow; to deeply trust and be in touch with our feelings more than with our thoughts. The feminine is interested in being more than doing.

The polarity between the masculine and the feminine is always at play and that’s what creates physical attraction and emotional connection.

Women are attracted to men who are solid and secure. Who know what they want. Who can take her by the hand and claim her as his woman. Who is sure, unwavering in the face of danger and strong in his ability to protect and provide.

But unfortunately, most women do not “see” these men.

They don’t “see” them because their vision is blurred with years of accumulated limiting beliefs about women, men, and relationships. They don’t see them because they’ve been running on masculine engines for way too long and this false sense of control now regulates their life.

They can’t let their guard down. They don’t know how to be intimate and connect. They don’t know how to feel. And they surely don’t know how to be in their bodies and play that feminine pole that is so attractive to the masculine.

And so when the roles are reversed — when women play the masculine role in their relationships — and when men play the feminine pole — it’s deeply dissatisfying for both.

Many women I work with come to me because they’re tired of being “the man” in the relationship or marriage and they want to turn things around.

“Am I going to have to leave him?” they ask me with dread and a tiny bit of excitement in their eyes. The prospect of leaving a relationship or marriage seems complicated and daunting but also quite refreshing and tingly at the same time.

“Is it even possible to turn things around and let him be the “man” of the relationship?”

Yes, it is possible. Once you start shifting the polarity dynamic in your relationship, one of the two things will happen:

  1. As you lean more into your feminine, your man will have the opportunity to step up into his masculine and your dynamic will start shifting. I’ve seen it happen. It’s not impossible but much harder to do if you’ve been living in the opposite dynamic (where you are “the man”) for years.
  2. As you lean more into your feminine, your man won’t be able to step into his masculine simply because he is not ready yet or doesn’t have that capacity for the masculine that is suitable and desirable by you. Thus, the inevitable end of the relationship will approach.

I can’t tell you what to do in a particular situation because it is not my place.

When we work together, my job is to guide you into figuring this out on your own with my help. But you are the one to make that decision and to walk that path. No-one else but you are living in their body, in your relationship and in your polarity dynamic.

More often than not it is women who bring themselves and their relationship to such a polarity role reversal. Men will go with the flow. They will take the easiest path to success. If it’s simpler for him to let you do all the work, call the shots and avoid arguing — he will just do it.

Men always adjust their behavior according to the women they are with.

Happy wife, happy life.

And as the wife, you are indeed happy for a while. Control feels good. Being in charge and running the household feels powerful.

Until it’s not anymore.

Until you realize that you’ve pretty much dug a hole in the ground for yourself where you are the man and the woman, the husband and the wife, the mommy and the daddy. He has become an extra weight that not only is not contributing to carrying the load of responsibilities but is actually draining you even more of your energy and your vital force.

And so you’re depleted, exhausted and bitter. You’re not living your life as you thought you would be. You can’t be present with your children, you feel tired and frustrated most of the time and you’re just ready to pull the plug. You can’t go on any longer. You decide it’s time to get this fixed once and for all.

If you are not satisfied with the polarity dynamic in your relationship or marriage and you’re tired, burned up and fed up with making all the decisions, doing all the work and carrying most of the burden of masculine responsibilities in your relationship, here are some things you can start doing today to shift that dynamic:

  1. Gradually start leaning out of playing the man
  2. Work with stepping into your femininity
  3. Delegate more decisions and responsibilities to him
  4. Stop taking care of everything and everyone
  5. Stop paying for him or helping him out
  6. Stop parenting him and telling him what to do
  7. Practice trust that he will figure it out
  8. Set strong boundaries
  9. Focus on you
  10. Work on your beliefs around men, women, and relationships

I know this is hard to hear and digest. This is hard work but it pays off in the end. Here are two things to remember:

  1. Expect him to fail — you can’t expect your man who has been playing the feminine pole in your relationship and letting you make all the decisions to suddenly rise up and take charge. This is a gradual process and you’ll need to turn up your patience volumes way up. Expect that he will fail at most things you delegate and ask him to do. The bills will pile up unpaid. The rubbish will be stinking for days. The pipes will be leaking for weeks. Boundaries are going to become your best friend… Prepare yourself. It’s not easy but it’s worth it. Get all of your support systems onboard: girlfriends, women’s circles, work with a coach etc.
  2. Expect him to resist — juts like you can’t expect him to jump on board and take charge immediately, you also can’t expect him to like this new shift. He will naturally resist it and fight it. Why would he suddenly do more work than required? But fix it if it’s not broken? But you know it’s broken, he just doesn’t see it yet. More often than not men start “fixing” their marriage or the pipes in the house when it’s really broken. Unfortunately, most of the times it’s just too late. So you need to help him in going through this transition. Don’t pay attention to his complaints, whining, and disappointment. Gradually, he will take on more responsibility and his masculine senses will awaken.

Most importantly, stay positive! You don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to suffer. You deserve a much better life. You deserve to relax and be taken care of. Stand up for yourself, take charge of your own happiness and fulfillment. Show your children that a different way of doing relationships is possible. A much more satisfying and gratifying way.

Ready to Upgrade?

I’ve created a free video training on what you can do today to break through the patterns of attracting feminine or unavailable men so you can attract and keep your committed masculine man. In this training, I share the 3 key proven shifts that my clients and I have implemented in our lives so we can thrive as feminine essence women in our lives and our relationships.

Sign up for the webinar training here!



Anna Rova

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