Anna Rova’s personal archive

5 Steps to Fixing Your Dating Patterns With Men Using the Mirror Principle

Why men are our mirrors & how to interpret what you see in your reflection

6 min readJan 21, 2020


When you look into the mirror every day, what do you see?

Do you, like me, look at yourself and see a few things you’re not really happy about?

Perhaps it’s that pimple on your forehead.

Perhaps it’s the few extra kilos around your waist.

Maybe it’s time to get those eyebrows done.

And maybe, it’s finally time to commit to a laser hair removal package.

Almost 200 years ago, a German chemist Justus von Liebig has developed a process for applying a thin layer of metallic silver to one side of a pane of clear glass, which we now know as a mirror.

But of course, the desire to look at yourself in the mirror was there since the dawn of time. There is evidence that people of modern-day Turkey were looking into volcanic glass more than 8,000 years ago.

Mirrors serve an important purpose — to show us what’s on the other side.

To show us what’s not working.

Studies show that women look in the mirror 8–38 times a day.

What’s your number?

We’re constantly evaluating and adjusting how we look based on what we see in the reflection.

We observe, get feedback, adjust and start again.

Day in and day out.

Sometimes 38 times a day.

The beauty of the mirror is that it speaks to us through a reflection.

It’s a feedback loop that never ends.

And we’re obsessed with it.

Why don’t we apply the same feedback loop to our own lives?

And why don’t we apply the same feedback loop to our relationships with people, and, especially, men?

Because it’s counter-intuitive and something that you’ll need years to realize after going through a serious personal growth journey.

And when you get it and see this feedback loop playing with precision — everything clicks.

You start to understand that EVERYTHING in your life is a reflection of who you are deep down inside.

Your belief systems. Your values. Your feelings, thoughts and certain behaviors.

And when you take charge and actively work on adjusting, reframing and upgrading your beliefs — everything changes.

The same thing applies to your relationships with men.

The trick is that a lot of these suckers are subconscious.

They are beyond our automatic day-to-day conscious mind.

And if it would be that easy to go in there, excavate, reframe and upgrade and start living a new life — everyone would do it.

But only a small percentage of people actually can do it.

When I look into the mirror of my life and don’t like what I see…

I ask questions, I go within and I start adjusting.

And I adjust and adjust until I start liking what I see in that reflection.

If you’re looking at your dating life and seeing only feminine men or assholes around — it’s time to go within and ask yourself:

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, why am I attracting these type of men? What am I thinking, doing and feeling that is drawing these feminine or asshole men to me? And, most importantly, what am I BELIEVING?”

And here is where the actual work begins.

The good news is that you’re more than halfway there.

You’re more than halfway to liking what you see in the mirror.

Because shedding light on what’s not working and then going back within to explore, ask questions, excavate and reframe is what women who were able to attract masculine men do.

But that’s not what most women do when it comes to fixing their unwanted patterns with men.

Most women look into the mirror of their dating life, don’t like what they see and what do they do?

They blame the patriarchy, they blame all men for being assholes or not wanting to carry the load, they blame feminine women, they blame their parents, past boyfriends…

They start looking for ways to appear prettier, sexier, fuller, blonder, tighter, more round up…

In a quest to become that perfect shape, size, color, texture, and flavor that the men will like.

They find external reasons as to why their dating life isn’t working. And then they top it off with external facades to masquerade what’s really going inside.

But see, we don’t even need a physical mirror or go climb some volcanic mountains to look into the reflection of our life and our romantic relationships to see what’s not working.

The good news is that it’s all there.

Right there in front of our eyes.

Everything that’s not going well in your life — it’s all on the surface.

All the less than desirable men you’re attracting — they’re right there.

Take a look at your latest received messages and you’ll see what I mean.

Check in with your feelings about the guys you’ve been on dates with in the last month — it’s all there.

And take a look at how many men are chasing you instead of you chasing them — it’s all in there.

And that’s great news because now that you know what’s not working you can start digging.

Thank you, mirror. 🙏🏻

When I looked into my own mirror it was quite painful.

He wasn’t calling as often as I wanted him to.

He wasn’t planning our weekend getaways.

He wasn’t showing signs of wanting to be together forever.

He wasn’t overly concerned if I wasn’t available.

He just wasn’t there…

Like I needed him to be there.

Casual sex?


Wanna go out for drinks?


Wanna go for a quick trip to the nearby island?

No problemo! That should be fun.

He wasn’t committed.

He wasn’t ready, willing and available for a relationship.

And, of course, I didn’t know back then what I know now.

It took me a few painful years to figure out how the mirror works.

And you don’t need to wait that long because you have everything you need to start the feedback loop and change the pattern faulty of men in your life.

I have reverse engineered what I did to eventually (like three years later) meet my now (masculine) husband that I created a family with.

Anna Rova’s personal archive

Here are your steps:

  1. Honestly identify what's not working. In my case, he wasn’t committed, not there, didn’t take things seriously. I was just an accessory.
  2. How might you be attracting that? What belief system in you is constantly feeding that loop? I realized that I just wanted to be loved. I had low self-esteem. I didn’t know how to relax into my femininity and let men take care of me etc.
  3. Start working on it. Start digging and reframing. Read books, go to workshops and seminars, work with a coach. (If you’re curious to work with me, reply to this email and let me know.) I’ve read the books, listened to podcasts, went to events, did chakra work, theta healing work, EFT, hypnosis, meditation, embodiment practices, worked with coaches! Anything that would get me out! I then started my own podcast, blog and coaching practice to help women like you do the same!
  4. Take feedback and adjust. I’ve raised my standards, set up some serious boundaries, started loving myself more. Got out of my head into my heart. I realized the amazing power of the feminine.
  5. Start again. Do this process over and over until you get the result. The mirror always is at work just like polarity. But the work actually never stops. Even when you’re married. I still work on this daily.

So, I’m curious, how is the mirror playing in your life? What do you see that you don’t like and what steps have you taken to change what you see?

Reply below and let me know!

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Anna Rova

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