5 Misconceptions about Femininity (& What it Really Means to “Be Feminine”)
Why femininity is not what you think & 5 ways to step into your true feminine power.
Most of us misunderstand what it means to be feminine.
We think femininity is about what’s on the outside, so we try to look and act in a “more feminine” way.
Many women think that working on our appearance and on how we behave is the right way to embrace our femininity.
So, we take etiquette classes.
We learn what kinds of words we should use and what we should avoid.
We learn how to be “more elegant… nicer… sexier.”
We put on red lipstick.
We surround ourselves with all things feminine like scented candles and luxurious textures and beautiful fashion…
We do all of these things that “the industry” (including the media and some femininity and dating coaches) is telling us that we need to do in order to be more feminine.
Because that’s what we think femininity is.
A lot of women work on these things and it can be helpful for them.
However, that is not what true femininity is.
Because you can dress however you like.
You can light candles all day long.
And you can put on as much make-up as you like.
But if, deep down inside, you have not worked on softening up, on surrendering and letting go of control and have that really soft, magnetic, open feminine energy that masculine men are attracted to…
Then it’s not going to work.
That’s why we see a lot of strong, powerful women who have all these “feminine” things — the manicures and the make-up and the fashion — but they are still very rigid and angular in their energy.
The truth is we don’t only have limiting beliefs about men and masculinity, we also have limiting beliefs about femininity… and, in fact, this is where we should start.
Because a lot of women look down on femininity. We look down on being soft and surrendering and letting go.
We think that this is weakness where, in fact, this is where our strength lies.
We have forgotten the true meaning of feminine power.
So, I want to address the 5 most common misconceptions about femininity & what it really means to “be in your feminine”:
1. Femininity is not a damsel in distress
Or a conniving bitch, a flakey airhead, a fake bimbo… or any other aspects of the feminine which, unchecked or unsupported, develop out of balance.
This is not the healthy feminine. This is the feminine shadow.
Of course, we all experience moments of these shadow feminine archetypes in the course of our cycle but we don’t (and shouldn’t) live in them permanently — if we are in balance.
And when out of balance, the feminine shadow becomes toxic, just like the masculine shadow.
There are so-called “relationship coaches” out there who sell this as femininity, training women to behave in a certain way and fit a certain physical mold so that a certain type of man may find them attractive.
As a Feminine Embodiment coach, when I work with women, my goal is not to help women “bag” a man or somehow “lure” him into committing.
True femininity does not need tricks or facades.
True femininity is a queen — she is strong and powerful.
True femininity is naturally magnetic to true masculinity.
She draws her king towards her through her embodied feminine essence. She does not need to do anything other than be fully present with her authentic feminine flavor, lean back, soften, open, and make space for him to enter her queendom.
2. Femininity is not a shallow “performance”
True femininity is not a stereotyped role you need to play for the benefit of “the patriarchy” or “the male gaze” or any of those things.
Actually, it is not about what’s on the outside at all.
It is about accessing and embracing the deep inner power of your magnetic feminine essence. And, if we want to start attracting committed masculine men, this is a key shift we need to make.
But, plot twist: it’s not about “getting the guy.”
(If you’re truly in your feminine, you won’t need to go out and “get” him anyway… because he will come and get you!)
In the end, femininity is all about you.
It’s about the benefits you feel and the ripple effects you experience in all areas of your life.
Being able to have rich, meaningful relationships with girlfriends and open up to them.
Being more available to yourself and your family members for deeper love, engagement, and fun.
Finding joy and purpose in your career where you feel lit up and jazzed about all the opportunities that are waiting for you, instead of exhausted by them.
It’s about bringing in a balance, harmony, and fulfillment that isn’t otherwise there if you are out of touch with your feminine power.
Femininity goes much deeper than “gender performance.”
It is not something you can layer on from the outside.
It isn’t about wearing pretty dresses, spending money on make-up and manicures, or burning scented candles.
These things can be a starting point for exploring your femininity, helping to shift your mental and energetic states.
They are a tactile way to choose yourself, to invest in yourself in ways that aren’t about anyone else. Put yourself and your pleasure first, which many of us aren’t used to doing.
A way for you to start seeing yourself differently and to explore expressing your true self (your inner wild woman)!
There’s also a natural reason most women crave and enjoy being surrounded by beauty: it’s part of our energetic essence.
But this is all just sprinkles on top…
Femininity is a state of being.
Being in your feminine is an energetic shift.
It’s shifting out of your head and into your body.
It’s deep inner work.
3. Femininity is not giving up your high-powered career
Many women think that they can’t perform at their jobs while being connected to their femininity.
Or that embracing their femininity means they have to prefer being a stay-at-home mum over having a career.
Feminine women can still kick ass at work. Or thrive as a stay-at-home mum. The choice is yours, and you should feel empowered and powerful no matter what you choose.
Femininity is about living from a place of ease and joy, where you know you don’t have to compete with a man because you aren’t one.
Because your true power does not lie in pushing and striving like a man.
You are a wild horse, not a workhorse.
But learning to be “in our feminine” does not mean always being in the feminine from now on and neglecting the masculine.
We are all a combination of both feminine and masculine energies (and everything else in between).
We are all both and we need both.
However, as feminine essence beings, which is the majority of women, we have lost sight of our feminine energy.
Our masculine energy has taken over as it served a purpose (many purposes).
Reclaiming this feminine side of ourselves does not mean we cannot still use this masculine energy at work and in other areas of their life when it is needed.
In order for our feminine to really come out to play, it needs to feel safe, and it gets this by being held in a masculine structure.
Our balanced masculine energy is what will allow our feminine energy to flourish.
There is a feminine way to lead. But there will also be times in our career when masculine energy is needed, especially for those of us who are in a very masculine working environment.
Part of what we do in the Claimed program is give women the tools to know when that is and how to shift into the feminine when it comes to dating and relationships.
It is about claiming our feminine energy and femininity for ourselves before we can be “claimed” by the masculine.
4. Femininity might not “come naturally” to all women
A lot of women ambitious, successful women struggle to connect with their femininity.
Not surprising when all traditional, “visible” models of power are inherently masculine and modern women who have access to the same masculine power are measuring themselves by masculine standards.
On top of that, we have this misconceived label of “femininity” in our heads.
So, many women live for most of their lives in their masculine energy, and then they try to fit into this idea of what it means to “be feminine” when they realize this is an essential part of attracting a committed, masculine man.
They layer it on from the outside, together with all of the social baggage that comes with it, while still operating from their masculine energy on the inside.
In the end, they collapse, feeling guilty and exhausted from trying to keep up.
The foundation of Feminine Embodiment is depth first, structure second.
Inside-out, not outside-in.
As head coach, Stephanie, explains to women in the Claimed program who get hung up on this:
“If it feels good in your body, then it’s feminine — it’s your feminine flavor. It’s a reflection of what’s inside.”
But when it comes to doing the deep work, money is the first big issue many women find they have to explore their relationship with.
Many women have no problem spending money on the “outside” but they struggle to justify investing in the “inside.”
This is a really concrete result of the structure we currently live under. Money is like a “screen” on which we project our beliefs about worth and value — about our worth and value.
We can “spend,” “waste,” or “invest” money in the same way that we do with time, attention, and effort. It’s all energy exchange.
When you invest money in business, you’re looking for a return, but you’re also voting with your dollar.
You’re voting for what you want to grow, for what you want to see more of in the world.
When you decide to invest money, time, and attention in yourself on a deep level, you immediately begin to see the return in how you show up in the world.
It’s also a signal to yourself that you’re worthy of taking up space, of filling your own cup first, and that it’s of benefit to the world — to your relationships/family/community to do so.
5. Femininity is not weakness
We don’t need to reject our femininity in order to be powerful.
Embracing our femininity is not about giving up sovereignty, choice, or power.
Power can be an energetic force. Power can be an intellectual force.
The power of someone’s character is also power. The power of strong connections and relationships is what makes the world go around. These are examples of invisible power.
Feminine powers and gifts are quite “invisible” and, therefore, not valued as much because they can’t be quantified.
The masculine approach to success has to be measurable — otherwise, we can’t quantify and compare success. Competition is key to masculine success.
But how do we quantify love, caring for children, deep connections, and bonds we form with people and our communities? How do we quantify the subtle ways of influence and living a life that feels good instead of a life that looks good?
Femininity itself is power. We have been led to believe that it is our weakness when, in fact, it is our greatest gift.
Female power sits in a woman’s hips, her heart, and her womb. So many women are completely disconnected from the neck down because it is quite unproductive to “be in the body.”
Modern women are disconnected from our hearts and wombs. We are constantly in our heads — rationalizing, intellectualizing, strategizing, and “being busy.” Constantly “parking” our bodies at desks in board rooms and meetings.
We have lost touch with our own deep, instinctual knowing as women.
The essential source of our creativity, intuition, and life force has been cut off.
That is why so many of us don’t know how to listen to our own inner voice. Why so many of us feel stressed, drained… exhausted most of the time.
The masculine idea of power and success is sucking the life out of us and we don’t even realize that there’s another way.
Femininity is power. Masculinity is power, too.
They just look, feel, and are embodied differently.
Here’s a little more explanation about the differences between the two, and what all this has to do with attracting a committed masculine man:
So, are you ready to step into your feminine power?
Ready to receive?
To own and magnetize your true desires?
To upgrade your story?
5 Ways to Step into Your True Feminine Power
1. Let go of the need to constantly be in control or prove yourself
You are enough. Realize that you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Work on your self-worth and enoughness outside of the masculine idea of power.
2. Don’t compete with men
You don’t need to. Your value does not depend on your achievements. Learn to competitively cooperate with and appreciate men and their masculine power, which is different from yours.
3. Take full responsibility for yourself
Liberate your shame. Get out of your head and into your body, heart, and womb through embodiment practices. Repair your relationship with your menstrual cycle.
4. Relax more, “be” more, create more
Allow yourself. Give yourself permission to dance. Move your body often and freely. Smile and laugh more. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Surround yourself with uplifting people, ideas, events.
5. Get quiet, go deep
Discover yourself. Spend a lot of time in nature, particularly close to water (feminine element). Spend time in silence. Practice meditation.
If you are looking for a guide on your journey, click here to see how my team and I might be able to help.
~ with love, Anna “Femininity Is Power” Rova
P.S. Feminine essence women have a deep yearning to release control and let him lead.
We feel more at ease, more in flow, more fulfilled when we are connected with our femininity and playing the feminine pole of the polarity spectrum.
So, if this is you, I want to give you a gift. The gift of permission.
You hereby have permission to want what you want.
You have permission from me, from the Universe, from Mother Nature herself to stand fully in your feminine power and stop playing by the rules of masculinity.
It’s a zero-sum game that you can never win. Because it’s not where your true power lies.
You have permission to crave what you crave, that committed masculine man who will take you by the hand and lead you in a relationship.
Who you are able to trust, surrender to, let go with, create intimacy, create depth, create your kingdom… whatever you want to create with him.
And it’s all waiting for you. Your transformation begins here.