Anna Rova’s personal archive

He Is Already Here. I Can Feel It.

This is an open letter to him.


Because I can sense him. Because He is already here.

He is strong. Physically, emotionally, physically. Like that old tree that stands out no matter what, against all the odds. He is strong at the core and I can feel it. I do not need any proof, words or weights lifted. I can feel him. He will lift me up and carry me home. He will embrace and protect me from the cold. I can feel it.

He is real. No masks, no games, just him and his core. Like all life is real: noises, smells, touches. Like when truth is right in front of you and there is nothing to be ashamed of. He is himself and doesn’t regret, ignore or is afraid of himself. I can feel it in my bones.

He is insatiable. He always wants more. He doesn’t stop. His purpose is bigger than me, than himself, bigger than anything. And it is unstoppable. His knuckles will bleed, his voice will tremble, his hair will be unwashed for weeks — but he will go on. No one can explain why. I can feel it.

He is kind. He gives because he can. His treasure spills out of his pockets as he walks, breaths and lives. He isn’t worried about it because his treasure is not his and is unlimited. I can feel it.

He is rare. But he exists. When you meet him, you can feel it. He seems to be one of a kind. Like a stand alone wolf who is not afraid to be himself and face the world. He is not afraid of me.

Photo credit: ~Brenda-Starr~ via / CC BY-NC-ND

He longs for me and is ready, available and willing. I can feel it.

Sex with him is something that I need to feel. I cannot unfeel it. It has left an imprint on my soul. It is mine to remember and…feel.

I can feel it. I can feel Him.

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Anna Rova

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