I Had a Cervical Orgasm. Now I Know What Love Is.
No therapy or coaching can penetrate me deeper than the power of true love and a hard cock.
Cervical orgasm is something that I heard the sexually aware and enlightened women mention at spiritual gatherings and podcast episodes. Those sex goddesses equipped with their tantric knowledge who hold the holy grail of mind-blowing orgasms and pleasure. Who know things that we, mortal women with jobs, children and a household, do not know.
I was so far away from them. I still I am. For me orgasm is something that started happening regularly with my husband and only on certain occasions the experience of orgasm took me somewhere deep and mysterious that I didn’t know much about.
But this time was different.
This one was different.
One day after experiencing clitoral orgasm that felt like a massive build-up and then release for about five seconds, I wanted more. I wanted to go deeper. I couldn’t just leave things at that. My thighs were full of energy and life force. My whole pelvic bowl was ripe and ready to open even deeper.
My whole pelvic bowl was ready for deep love.
What is sex if not an act of love?
And so through a ravishing out-of-this-world act of love, I had experienced it. The mysterious cervical orgasm.
I’ve given birth to two children so I am more aware of where my cervix is and I could feel when it was being touched and stimulated.
It feels like a place where I am so deeply penetrated by the masculine that I forget who I am. Where nothing matters. Where my wild woman crawls out of her cave and just starts to roar in inappropriate and soaring ways. Where it’s just me and the Universe. Where lines between my physical body and what’s around dissolve.
When our bodies become one. Where I let go and release all control. Where I surrender hard without any reservations or thoughts. Tears start pouring because this is freedom. Because this is love. This is the unabashed, uncivilised, unseen me. No walls, no defences, no pretending to be anyone else. Raw, vulnerable me.
Just like it’s always supposed to be.
“I love when you let go,” he tells me in that moment.
Tears start falling because I’ve gone to a place that has been hidden behind tall dark walls. That place that yearns to be seen but never gets to be acknowledged.
Vulnerability at its peak. This kind of vulnerability touches your core. It’s when you’re so deeply seen, you know you can’t hide. Your whole body is seen, witnessed, acknowledged and… loved.
“There are so many women who have never experienced this… This joy. This LOVE,” I told him.
He loves me. He loves me unconditionally. Without any pre-requisites. He loves my soul. He sees through my soul and my body. He loves my whole being.
This is true love. There are no checklists, to-do lists or boxes we are trying to fit ourselves in.
“But am I worthy of such deep, profound love? Am I good enough to be loved like this? Do I deserve this kind of love?”
Personal growth work is like peeling the layers of an onion.
Even though I have worked through worthiness, enough-ness and deservedness so many times, I know there is always a deeper level. And here was mine. This kind of orgasm opened me up bare and naked to the level I haven’t been open before… and so “hello not good enough, not worthy, not deserving” yet again.
And so we peel the layers. We let them fall. We stay with the discomfort. We feel through it. We move through it.
We laid in bed and listened to what might be one of the most touching songs I’ve heard on love.
When we are born we are loved just because we are. There are no conditions, layers or expectations. My baby isn’t thinking of ways she can please me and be a good girl so I can love her well. All that rubbish comes much later when she starts to make connections that if she eats her vegetables, I will be pleased and she discovers how to please me so I can love her. This is when the “good girl syndrome” starts to develop.
“If I [fill in the blank,] they will love me.”
We learn how to fill in that blank to get love.
But babies are just loved. Imagine going through the world without needing to pretend, behave a certain way, find intricate ways to pull people in… Instead, just being who we are full in our bodies, full in our own love.
That is why the most important job in the world is that of a parent. If only, as parents, we knew how to love our children unconditionally no matter what. Loving through the nice stuff and loving through the ugly stuff. Loving through the uncontrollable screaming and loving through their first steps and first words.
I’m getting better at that. As my 4-year old daughter is screaming her lungs out over yet another silly thing (“daddy didn’t let me go into the shower first!”) I take her into my lap, cover her with a blanket and just hold her through this crazy tantrum, rocking her side to side, sending her love. After about 30 seconds the sobbing stops. She curls into me and reaches out her little arms and hugs me tight. I heard her. I listened. I wasn’t afraid of her big feelings. I did not turn her down because she feels. Feeling is okay in our house. After her body feels accepted and acknowledged, she relaxes and starts telling me about what happened. After another minute she is totally calm, smiling and ready to play again.
If only as adults we could do that for ourselves — giving ourselves what was missed. What our parents weren’t able to give because they themselves, weren’t given that.
Unconditional love. Where you can be angry and sad and frustrated. Where you can be happy, joyful and free. Where no matter what you’re feeling, we still love you. The world still loves you. Feelings are just feelings. It’s okay to feel.
But, maybe, a cervical orgasm can give us some of that healing?
No therapy or coaching can penetrate me deeper than the power of true love and a hard cock.
Imagine a world where women are just loved from the beginning as who we are. No conditions. No expectations. No learned chameleon behaviour. No fight, flight or freeze when it’s not necessary.
Such women would have strong boundaries, wouldn’t settle for less or try to please a man so he can stay and love them.
Our job is to discover our way back to that love that was unencumbered by our parents’ expectations, our societies’ labels and our partners’ projected insecurities. One way I am experiencing this healing at this stage of my life and after a lot of inner work is through cervical orgasms. Who knew!
But your way could be different.
Our partners have the power to heal us but only if our foundation is strong. This stuff is not for the newbies on the block. Sexual energy is powerful energy that can create murky and toxic dependencies. If one is uninitiated, it can produce more damage than healing.
I’ve been able to experience such profound healing through sex after being married to my husband for five years and doing constant personal growth work and coaching women through their own journeys.
Why I’m sharing this with you is to show you what’s possible. To show you what’s ahead and what, perhaps, might be waiting for you. And to give you a glimpse into my own personal experience of healing through sex. I never knew that orgasms and sexual experiences can lead to profound healing of self-worth and coming back to true love.
That’s the power of union. Someone else reflecting back what I already know about myself. That I am loved. That I love myself. My partner is always a mirror to my own internal world.
We always attract our equal.
That is why there is no way you can attract pure love like this if inside there are still unresolved issues. Such love and such a partner appears when you don’t need him to appear. When your foundation is set right. When you love yourself with or without a partner. When you’re a whole. Complete. No expectations of him.
I don’t expect him to heal me in any way. I don’t even expect him to love me. He just does. He just is. Our relationship, our marriage and our love just is.
Isn’t this what love is?
So many of us seek and yearn for love and turn worlds around to experience pure deep love when love is so easy. It just is. We don’t need to earn it, work hard or beg for it. It just is. But it’s only available in this form when there is absolutely no attachment or expectations.
This is how love works.
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