My Ayahuasca Journey Part I (The Countdown) — Day 74 of 99 Days of Wander

The expectation is killing me.. When is it going to kick in? What will I see? Eyes open or closed? Will I be running around and screaming like a mad woman or seeing it all internally?

30 days before

15 days before

5 days before

48 hours before

24 hours before

Ohhhhhh shit… it’s creeping in.. I feel it rising inside… It’s here. First real wave of fear has arrived. It’s a small wave but it’s there and it’s asking me “Are you sure it will be okay? What if you’re caught up in nightmares and can’t get out of it like those people you’ve heard stories about? What if it’s terrible?

This is a free land. This is a magical land where borders do not exist, where you can be whoever you want to be, where the world stops and you are you, who you were born to be. Where people see you, see who you are and not who you need to be, where it’s about us all together in a union: trees, mountains, flowers, animals, the air, the smells, the people… It’s a place where we are all one.

5 hours before

Ohhhh, this is it… Oh my god, why am I doing this? It’s happening, it’s really happening… This shit is real. This liquid is going to be inside of me and make me crazy for a couple of hours. Heart beating hard and fast, breathing intensifies.

1 hour before

Hello, fear, I know you’re here…

Maybe there is still time to drop out? Estring is with me as well… how will he see me? Is this a good idea to do it together? What if it will change our relationship? What if it will change him? What if it will change me…?

WHAT? Second dose? Oh my goooood… not sure If I can handle it… but I still got time. It’s not happening yet, all good. Breathe…

Ayahuasca is a healing medicine, it will show us what we need to see. We should not attempt to control it or interfere with it, we should let it do the job.

Everyone is serious. Everyone is nervous. Scared of the unknown. We all want to know. But we can’t. Everyone is anxious. Even those who’ve done it before. The fear is real. No questions asked.

0 hours before

Oh my god, why am I doing this? What the hell?

The expectation is killing me… When is it going to kick in? What will I see? Eyes open or closed? Will I be running around and screaming like a mad woman or seeing it all internally?

This is the magical place it all happened in.

When will it start for me? I feel very relaxed and I just lay there. Don’t want to look at anyone… It’s just me and me.

Femininity & Relationship Coach| CLAIMED Podcast Founder & Host girlskill.com

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