“A crowd dances in the street in Guelph with their arms spread, looking upward” by Nadim Merrikh on Unsplash

The Myths of the Pay Gap, Sexual Assault Stats & Oppression of Women

Why we have to stop living in generalizations and deny, avoid or change nature, preferences or the biological differences of men and women.

By now I’ve interviewed more than 85 women on Girlskill Podcast about success, femininity and their journeys. Almost never I get into arguments and discussions about their views on feminism and femininity because I respect my guests’ perspective and their lived experience. I always see myself as a host and a channel for them to express their views and share their stories.

Femininity is a concept that is unique and deeply personal to every woman. She will have her own definition based on her cultural and educational background, self-awareness and personal growth journey as well as simply the depth of her interest in exploring the definition.

Although, I have come to a general and fundamental definition of what femininity is through research, study and my own lived experience which I now teach to women during coaching, I respect every woman’s definition and perspective and try to never judge.

“Damn it! This is my show and I gotta stop playing it nice and trying to be careful and not offend anyone all the time #politicalcorrectnessisoverrated… I have a voice and my experience and my views have the right to be expressed.”

The woman I was interviewing is a highly intelligent one with a degree in psychology and applied economics. She was working in the social and political sector in America for a while as well as on Hillary Clinton’s campaign, done TED talks on the subject of purpose, has her own business leading companies into developing their purpose driven visions and comes highly recommended from another guest.

Generalizations

  • “Women have been oppressed by white rich men intentionally forever.”
  • “Patriarchy is designed to keep women small, without a voice and in the kitchen.”
  • “Democracy has been invented by rich white men to make them forever and continually richer.”

Let’s address generalizations

It seems like we talk about these complex subjects of patriarchy, white supremacy and feminism in absolutes. Black and white.

If “everyone” (read: women influencers) is saying that patriarchy has indeed ruined us all keeping women voiceless and powerless, then it must be true!

RIGHT?!

WRONG.

Suddenly we start thinking “Damn! If so many intelligent, high-status women in politics, hollywood, business and media keep saying it – IT MUST BE TRUE!

Perhaps I am just some sort an alien female creature that has been #blessed who sees so much opportunity, so many great men and women around, so much non-oppression!! Perhaps indeed I am the only one in this world who thinks that we live in great times and instead of complaining about how women have been “insert-your-own-passive-voice-verb,” I think there has never been a greater time for women to succeed, to achieve their dreams and live their best lives!

Yeah, it must be just me…

source: https://gifer.com/en/2Koo

We can’t simply generalize serious concepts without deeper research and self-inquiry, then repeat them, repost them on social media, believe them and then behave them. It’s not that simple.

pick one.

“Feminism cannot give you power. Power is an inside job…

I don’t need feminism because I know my power. It’s so vast and great that no legislative authority can take it from me, and, therefore, no legislative authority can give it to me because it is innate in my being…

So how can feminism give it to me? It existed before feminism was even a thought in a mind of a wounded woman…”

I fully believe in these words. Only active voice here.

Nekrasov, Russian poet of the XIX century, said: “The Russian woman can stop a galloping horse and enter a burning house”.

I grew up with this ideal of female power. In fact, most men on this other side of the world know not to rock the boat because they know very well you can’t stop an enraged woman. She will bite your head off so better don’t f*ck with her. (This image of female power is not only Russian, Eastern European or Hindu. Most men will tell you they would rather avoid a conflict with a woman then get into a full-on fight with her.)

Hindu Goddess Kali knows what’s the deal.

Democracy & how men have invented it to keep themselves rich

On the subject of democracy and its foundations, I mentioned that I’m not sure that less than 300 years ago the founding fathers really thought that liberty, justice and equality for all was the primary driving force and intention to make them, white rich men, even richer…

The Pay Gap & Sexual Abuse “Facts”

Of course, in our heated discussion the #metoo movement, sexual abuse and the pay gap was mentioned to further illustrate the point that women are oppressed by the patriarchy to this day and are struggling. Again, things we read day in and day out everywhere today.

And, of course, if Obama says that for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes $0.78 cents it must be true!!!

Well, here is where Dr. Peterson’s explanation comes in. I understood that the $0.78/$1 ratio is taken across all industries comparing all earnings of men and women.

“The gender pay gap figure is typically calculated by first adding together all of the annual salaries of women who are working full-time, year-round, then finding the median salary — that is, the salary that’s in the exact middle, with 50 percent of the women earning more than that figure and 50 percent earning less. Then the same calculation is made for men working full-time, year-round. Once those two figures are determined, you can compare them and calculate the pay gap [source: Glynn].”

And indeed, if we take all (American) men and women and compare their income overall, women would earn less. I am actually surprised that these figures are not even more different.

Agreeableness

First up, women tend to be more agreeable than men and not as aggressive in terms of going for what they want. I believe that indeed we need to cultivate confidence and self-worth, self-esteem in boys and girls alike but agreeableness is also in our female nature. Here is where I might get a lot of backlash from women in particular, but this quality is what actually has helped females survive for thousands of years when men were hunting and fighting and women had to form bonds, create alliances and communities to ensure their own survival and the survival of their own children.

Preference

Second, on average women prefer to be in jobs that are more nurturing and give them more pleasure and less stress and less risk. Teaching jobs, linguistics, the service industry and the health care sector are some examples of such jobs preferred by females.

source: https://work.chron.com/male-vs-female-statistics-workplace-america-23880.html
source: https://flowingdata.com/2017/09/11/most-female-and-male-occupations-since-1950/

Bearing Children

The third and one of the most important points of why gender “pay gap” is misleading is that only women bear children. I am quite heart-broken by the fact that this incredible biological phenomenon is seen as some sort of a hindrance to a successful life by women themselves. (I am currently 5 months pregnant so I can speak from experience.)

“Wait a second…I have more money than I need. I’ve proved everything to everyone, including myself… I’m with a partner who earns a decent income… Why the hell am I struggling so much, working so many hours and pushing so hard?! It’s bloody exhausting. I’m done. Oh wait, I also feel like I would like to create a family, deep connection and shift my priorities. Maybe I need 3 months of travellin in Italy to rediscover myself and what success means for me.”

See, men don’t really have such a realization. In fact, when women are shifting their priorities in this way, men are like “Oh shit. I gotta work harder to take care of my family.”

So the perceived “pay gap” will remain where it is no matter how much we push because we can’t deny, avoid or change nature, preferences or the biological differences of men and women.

Now, two more quick points.

Sexual Assault “Facts.”

My guest continued speaking about the oppression of women and mentioned that we still live in a society where “1 in 5 women gets sexually assaulted.”

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  • The True Power & Definition of femininity & masculinity
  • The #1 Reason for Feeling Numb, stuck in your head & sensually asleep

Femininity & Relationship Coach| CLAIMED Podcast Founder & Host girlskill.com